Different languages (and no translation)

“I love you and maybe I didn’t say it or show it the way you wanted. I’ll give you that. But at least I never lied to you, pretended to be something I am not. I couldn’t bring myself to fake it, to buy flowers and write cards on cue. I tried to show you in other ways, bringing you a cup of Earl Grey tea when you were studying and cooking on nights you were tired.”

Excerpt From: Hiraeth. “Hiraeth Phoenix.” 

Heart set free

“For such a long time I blamed you for not fighting for me, for us, for not giving me the movie ending where you rush to meet me on the beach at sunset and poetically declare your undying love in sonnet form (or burst into ballad with your guitar). Except today, today while I watered my Frangupanis and looked at the mountain and smelt the sea air, I realised your actions may have spoken of a much deeper love: the kind that sets a restless soul free to find its wings (and soar).” – copyright HiraethPhoenix 2015

Happy New Year

I wish you sunsets of love
With seasons of renewal,
Laughter and light;
Endless waves of beauty
To awaken your soul and remind
You where you come from
And how much possibility exists.
And when the storms rage and ruin,
I hope these moments provide the
To always find your way back
To you.

Copyright Hiraeth 2014

Flicker flame

I always thought of myself as a lightbulb, lighting up for you. I think it was obvious to everyone. The mere sight of you would start my cheeks glowing and soon my smile would be so big that too much of my teeth would show. I lit up for you.

For a while the energy sustained us, burned to keep us alive, afloat. And then one day, I started questioning the fairness of one flame.
And I put that fucking flame to death.

Copyright Hiraeth 2014


“There is fuck all out there”, you said, loud enough that I jumped at your tone and knew that finally there was some emotion, even anger was a start to some dialogue about what next. Except it was too late. Emotion and I had long cut ties. Anger, disappointment and sadness, made way for a sea of nothingness. I felt nothing. You launched into a monologue about loyalty and history and first loves and following sunsets and beaches.

I remember staring at the Bougainvilleas outside in our garden and thinking how beautifully they have meshed into each other. It took years for that to happen, years for them to branch out and reach each other, covering the wall for privacy. At least they made the effort, I thought. The ice maker of the fridge grunted in agreement to your list of reasons to stay (at any other time, it may have been some comic relief) and the wedding photo on the antique writing desk looked suddenly out of place. I always thought it should have been a colour photo, you insisted black and white was timeless. Like you thought we were.

Except we weren’t. And as the clock struck three, I thought now is as good a time as any.

“But what if there is,” I said.
And you paled and left, the Bouginvilleas framing our end.

Copyright HiraethPhoenix 2014


“Let’s just stay here, frozen in time. We will be each other’s comfort, the old pair of slippers that perfectly mould to your feet, the duvet you have since adolescence, stained by the memories of raging hormones. The sound of Bruce Springsteen mixed with the aroma of caffeine early in the morning.

I can’t stand change, I see no need for it. This is who I am, who I have always been. You have no right to change now, to want more. This is what we are, this is what we have made.

Let’s just stay here. Shut the world out and maybe if we pretend long enough, I will believe you want to stay and you will believe that there is fuck


Copyright HiraethPhoenix 2014