When hope emigrated

I knew you
Before he was gone
Before every cell ached for
Him
To be here, near
Before grief found a hold
On your heart
And life and filtered
Through your soul.
And on the days
You struggle,
The days where Facebook
Surprises you with a photo
A memory of just
You two
And hope seems
Like a friend who
Has emigrated
To the furthest corner of
Australia
Without warning or
A farewell,
I will remind you
Who you were
And integrated in the loss
You will now be

Copyright Hiraeth 2019

Ten years ago

I love you still because
Despite the challenges of life,
You believe in forever afters
And even when I lose faith
You stand secure:
Even in these turbulent times
Love conquers, it provides the
Glue to keep on keeping on
And you keep on;
Consistent in your love for me
And our family.
And with time
You have made me believe
Again
That true love does exist
And I am blessed
To live in it.

copyright Hiraeth 2019

Ten years

“ If you don’t want to burn out, don’t live like you are on fire” – Brene Brown

Ten years ago I arrived
Home from my jog
And you made Earl Grey
And pork sausages in tomato
While I simultaneously laughed
And cried
About the stress of my day.
You stood shocked.
You are burning out
You said
I don’t know what to do.
Don’t be ridiculous, I am fine
I said
And I pushed you away
In anger,
You and these crazy ideas
That I am not in control,
That my dreams are too
Important, swallowing me
And us.
And he stepped in
At the exact point I sat on the floor
Crying on Skype,
Crying about every loss
Of my entire life,
Like it is normal,
Like it makes sense.
And I said
This is my soul mate
This is my future
And left
And broke everything,
Everyone I cared about
And myself.
So no
Not every marriage ends
Because it is destructive,
Because it is loveless.
Some end
Because one
Lived
Like they were on fire.

Copyright Hiraeth 2019

A mother’s tears

I never understood
A mother’s tears
Until I had my own,
I never realised what a
Powerful sadness
Washes over your soul
When you feel that your
Child is lost
And wonder if there is
A place for her
And if you have the tools
To help her find it.
And now I see it more and more
The mom who unexpectedly
Starts crying at drop off
Because balancing a marriage
And family and self
Is overwhelming,
The mom who at a workshop
Starts tearing up
When she tells me her
Daughter is battling with anxiety,
The mom who finds out her son
Has ADHD and tells me
She feels so alone, with the tears
Hidden but exposed.
And I realise that a mother’s heart
Has the capacity to hold it all,
But every now and then
We can hold each other’s tears
And remind the other
We are not meant to
Journey alone.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

We never forgot

I hope the waves break in
Beautiful sets
Where you are,
That the seagulls rush
To tell you
You are missed,
That the sand between your toes
Remind you of the footprints
We shared
That the wind gently caresses
Your cheek
And the seashells
Whisper that you
Are not forgotten,
I did not forget
And in this our destiny is set:
One day we will meet
On a beach where the waves break
In beautiful sets,
Where the seagulls rush
To tell us
We are loved,
Where the sand between our toes
Evidence the footprints
We share,
Where the wind gently caresses
Our cheeks and
The seashells whisper
We never forgot.

copyright Hiraeth 2018

Let go

And one day
You wont remember my favourite
Song
Or the exact details, minute or
Otherwise where it all went
Wrong.
But one day, far from now,
Maybe
Sooner than you
Think
You will hear it, the words,
Melody, the chorus will tug
At your heart and make it
Sink.
And the memories will flood and
Flow
And you will breathe them in,
Exhale and let them
Go.
Inhale;
Exhale;
Let go.

copyright Hiraeth 2018

Sunshine kid

25 years ago
A mother lost her second son
And I lost a dear friend and
With it
The innocence of childhood,
Life became very real
And raw and the pain
Palpable,
It coursed through my veins,
Pumped through my broken
Heart.
He was sunshine to me,
He lit up a room with his smile,
He was beautiful
And I carry his memory
To this day
It weaves a thread through my
Life,
Through my purpose.
I hold my son a little tighter,
I try to breathe a little slower,
I know that every moment
Is fleeting,
That what is normal now
May very soon be forever lost.
So I send this out in memory
Of a sunshine kid
And in prayer for every heart,
Mother’s
Friend’s
Who still mourns
The light
That
Was
Lost.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018