Poetry

Take a day

~ hiraethphoenix

Take a day
If you must
To cry
To mourn
To let the grief wash
Over you and
Then subside
The world will be as chaotic,
Unrecognisable
As it was the day before,
Everyone expecting a piece
Of you
As it was the day before.
So
Take a day
To say,
I am shocked you are gone and I just realised I never answered your message because life, my life was overwhelming (it always is) and I am sorry and I just want you to know, you taught me more than you will ever know.
But mostly,
You taught me to speak up,
To speak proudly,
To own my words, my darkness and my light.
So I took a day
For
You.

Copyright Hiraeth 2020
For Dot

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You don’t know

~ hiraethphoenix

You don’t know
How hard it is trying to help her
Navigate life
When she knows she is,
Feels she is different.
You think you can make it easier,
Hide it, until one day she asks
Why is it so hard for me and easy for them?
You try to put it in perspective, many
Others have much worse challenges to deal with,
But in her world, hers is all that matters,
At least for now.
You don’t know
When what is easy for your child,
Makes her feel tired, overwhelmed,
When the writing that comes without thinking for your child,
Tires her already tired brain.
You don’t know
How besides arranging therapy
And support of every kind,
There is an emotional side
That is overwhelming sometimes,
Most times.
You
Don’t
Know

You don’t know
How hard it is trying to help him
When only one side of his brain
Processes sound as it should,
How hard it is for him to process
An instruction in the noise of a
Fast-paced world,
How what it is easy for your child to
Interpret,
Most times is overwhelming
And so he sharpens his pencil
Incessantly, bites his nails
Or washes his hands
To control what he can
And mask his
Insecurity
Why am I different?
Why is it so hard?
You don’t know
And until you do
You
Don’t
Know

Copyright Hiraeth 2020

Just so you know (3rd June)

~ hiraethphoenix

Just so you know
The longing never ends
It weaves through the
Myriad of experiences,
Pieces that are your life
It echos in the quiet moments,
Every year the 3rd of
June
You were here,
Left at noon.
Just so you know
The memories never end
They dance through my
Heart, a playful tune,
You were here,
Gone at noon.
Just so you know
Your memory is
Captured in every
Cell of my imperfect
Sullen soul,
And you bring me light
Still,
As I grow old.

Halt

~ hiraethphoenix

Suddenly the world
Became silent,
While
You were trying
To find the silence
Within.
All as it was
Came to a grinding
Halt,
While you were trying
To bring yourself to
Halt.
And with it came
A reprise,
A renewal,
A quiet realisation,
Reminder:
You are not in control
Of anything
But your inner self
And her health.
So you paint,
You play piano
You dance to the
Rhythm of her
Rhyme.

Copyright Hiraeth 2020

Ten years ago

~ hiraethphoenix

I love you still because
Despite the challenges of life,
You believe in forever afters
And even when I lose faith
You stand secure:
Even in these turbulent times
Love conquers, it provides the
Glue to keep on keeping on
And you keep on;
Consistent in your love for me
And our family.
And with time
You have made me believe
Again
That true love does exist
And I am blessed
To live in it.

copyright Hiraeth 2019

Ten years

~ hiraethphoenix

“ If you don’t want to burn out, don’t live like you are on fire” – Brene Brown

Ten years ago I arrived
Home from my jog
And you made Earl Grey
And pork sausages in tomato
While I simultaneously laughed
And cried
About the stress of my day.
You stood shocked.
You are burning out
You said
I don’t know what to do.
Don’t be ridiculous, I am fine
I said
And I pushed you away
In anger,
You and these crazy ideas
That I am not in control,
That my dreams are too
Important, swallowing me
And us.
And he stepped in
At the exact point I sat on the floor
Crying on Skype,
Crying about every loss
Of my entire life,
Like it is normal,
Like it makes sense.
And I said
This is my soul mate
This is my future
And left
And broke everything,
Everyone I cared about
And myself.
So no
Not every marriage ends
Because it is destructive,
Because it is loveless.
Some end
Because one
Lived
Like they were on fire.

Copyright Hiraeth 2019

A mother’s tears

~ hiraethphoenix

I never understood
A mother’s tears
Until I had my own,
I never realised what a
Powerful sadness
Washes over your soul
When you feel that your
Child is lost
And wonder if there is
A place for her
And if you have the tools
To help her find it.
And now I see it more and more
The mom who unexpectedly
Starts crying at drop off
Because balancing a marriage
And family and self
Is overwhelming,
The mom who at a workshop
Starts tearing up
When she tells me her
Daughter is battling with anxiety,
The mom who finds out her son
Has ADHD and tells me
She feels so alone, with the tears
Hidden but exposed.
And I realise that a mother’s heart
Has the capacity to hold it all,
But every now and then
We can hold each other’s tears
And remind the other
We are not meant to
Journey alone.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

We never forgot

~ hiraethphoenix

I hope the waves break in
Beautiful sets
Where you are,
That the seagulls rush
To tell you
You are missed,
That the sand between your toes
Remind you of the footprints
We shared
That the wind gently caresses
Your cheek
And the seashells
Whisper that you
Are not forgotten,
I did not forget
And in this our destiny is set:
One day we will meet
On a beach where the waves break
In beautiful sets,
Where the seagulls rush
To tell us
We are loved,
Where the sand between our toes
Evidence the footprints
We share,
Where the wind gently caresses
Our cheeks and
The seashells whisper
We never forgot.

copyright Hiraeth 2018

Let go

~ hiraethphoenix

And one day
You wont remember my favourite
Song
Or the exact details, minute or
Otherwise where it all went
Wrong.
But one day, far from now,
Maybe
Sooner than you
Think
You will hear it, the words,
Melody, the chorus will tug
At your heart and make it
Sink.
And the memories will flood and
Flow
And you will breathe them in,
Exhale and let them
Go.
Inhale;
Exhale;
Let go.

copyright Hiraeth 2018

Sunshine kid

~ hiraethphoenix

25 years ago
A mother lost her second son
And I lost a dear friend and
With it
The innocence of childhood,
Life became very real
And raw and the pain
Palpable,
It coursed through my veins,
Pumped through my broken
Heart.
He was sunshine to me,
He lit up a room with his smile,
He was beautiful
And I carry his memory
To this day
It weaves a thread through my
Life,
Through my purpose.
I hold my son a little tighter,
I try to breathe a little slower,
I know that every moment
Is fleeting,
That what is normal now
May very soon be forever lost.
So I send this out in memory
Of a sunshine kid
And in prayer for every heart,
Mother’s
Friend’s
Who still mourns
The light
That
Was
Lost.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018