I remember you

To the woman
Who lost a son
One of two
I remember the day
I remember you
I remember the ambulance men
Taking him away
From the NICU,
Carefully clearing his incubator,
The nurses cleaning it for the
Next arrival.
He was the strongest of the two,
But suddenly it changed,
As we were warned it could
And often did
(In a very clinical approach,
as if this were a laboratory experiment)
I returned to my room
And sat on the floor
And wept and prayed
That my son would
Make it.
I prayed for you, that your
Heart would be held
By Him.
I phoned my Dad and
Wept like a four year old,
I can’t lose him,
I love him so much already
He is so small
His entire body wrapped
In tubes, wires.
I remember your first visit
The next day
You were there for you remaining
Son, brave but broken,
Cloaked in loss.
I remember.
And even now, when I watch
My blue eyes run and pounce
On every moment of life,
I think of you
And how blessed I am to have him,
how he had to fight to be here.
And sometimes I wonder
If women who have problem-free
Pregnancies, realise how much
Could go wrong,
If teachers and therapists who
Work with these little ones
Realise how lucky we are to have them,
How much they have been through,
If partners realise that the mothers
Are forever scarred by the experience,
That there is always this doubt,
That you did something wrong,
That you were unable to carry them
To full term.
So on this Women’s day
I remember you,
I remember
your sons.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016