Take a day

Take a day
If you must
To cry
To mourn
To let the grief wash
Over you and
Then subside
The world will be as chaotic,
Unrecognisable
As it was the day before,
Everyone expecting a piece
Of you
As it was the day before.
So
Take a day
To say,
I am shocked you are gone and I just realised I never answered your message because life, my life was overwhelming (it always is) and I am sorry and I just want you to know, you taught me more than you will ever know.
But mostly,
You taught me to speak up,
To speak proudly,
To own my words, my darkness and my light.
So I took a day
For
You.

Copyright Hiraeth 2020
For Dot

Those friends

I miss you most
On the lonely days,
The ones where the
Superficial nature
Of today’s friendships
Leave me longing
For soul friends,
Those that weave through
Time
And know you,
Those that weather the
Seasons
And gather years,
Like beads on the arms
Of an abacus.
A friend who knows
At the first sign of winter
You throw on your boots
And wrapped in a scarf
You become an eskimo,
Those ones.
A friend who knows
Your drama, witnessed it
And stood with
Open arms when you
Stood drenched in defeat,
Those ones.
A friend who you can call
And know that not a single
Tear will fall unaccounted,
Those ones.
A friend who, if you had to
Choose a sister in this life,
It would be her,
That friend,
You.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

This year

This year
The day you passed
Came and went
And although I acknowledged
It, I also let the hours lapse
Without much thought,
I let the day drown in its
Busyness
I knew if I indulged the loss
It would call out to me,
It would overwhelm my already
Tired disconnected heart
It would call me to slow down
To feel, to cry, to remember
So I held it in
Supressed it
And then this past weekend
I sat on the beach
And watched the waves,
Felt the wind caress my tears
And my only thought was
How unfair it is
That
You
Are
Gone.

copyright Hiraeth 2016

I remember you

To the woman
Who lost a son
One of two
I remember the day
I remember you
I remember the ambulance men
Taking him away
From the NICU,
Carefully clearing his incubator,
The nurses cleaning it for the
Next arrival.
He was the strongest of the two,
But suddenly it changed,
As we were warned it could
And often did
(In a very clinical approach,
as if this were a laboratory experiment)
I returned to my room
And sat on the floor
And wept and prayed
That my son would
Make it.
I prayed for you, that your
Heart would be held
By Him.
I phoned my Dad and
Wept like a four year old,
I can’t lose him,
I love him so much already
He is so small
His entire body wrapped
In tubes, wires.
I remember your first visit
The next day
You were there for you remaining
Son, brave but broken,
Cloaked in loss.
I remember.
And even now, when I watch
My blue eyes run and pounce
On every moment of life,
I think of you
And how blessed I am to have him,
how he had to fight to be here.
And sometimes I wonder
If women who have problem-free
Pregnancies, realise how much
Could go wrong,
If teachers and therapists who
Work with these little ones
Realise how lucky we are to have them,
How much they have been through,
If partners realise that the mothers
Are forever scarred by the experience,
That there is always this doubt,
That you did something wrong,
That you were unable to carry them
To full term.
So on this Women’s day
I remember you,
I remember
your sons.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016