Sunshine kid

25 years ago
A mother lost her second son
And I lost a dear friend and
With it
The innocence of childhood,
Life became very real
And raw and the pain
Palpable,
It coursed through my veins,
Pumped through my broken
Heart.
He was sunshine to me,
He lit up a room with his smile,
He was beautiful
And I carry his memory
To this day
It weaves a thread through my
Life,
Through my purpose.
I hold my son a little tighter,
I try to breathe a little slower,
I know that every moment
Is fleeting,
That what is normal now
May very soon be forever lost.
So I send this out in memory
Of a sunshine kid
And in prayer for every heart,
Mother’s
Friend’s
Who still mourns
The light
That
Was
Lost.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

Those friends

I miss you most
On the lonely days,
The ones where the
Superficial nature
Of today’s friendships
Leave me longing
For soul friends,
Those that weave through
Time
And know you,
Those that weather the
Seasons
And gather years,
Like beads on the arms
Of an abacus.
A friend who knows
At the first sign of winter
You throw on your boots
And wrapped in a scarf
You become an eskimo,
Those ones.
A friend who knows
Your drama, witnessed it
And stood with
Open arms when you
Stood drenched in defeat,
Those ones.
A friend who you can call
And know that not a single
Tear will fall unaccounted,
Those ones.
A friend who, if you had to
Choose a sister in this life,
It would be her,
That friend,
You.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

Brave

And one day
You understand the thin line
Between love and hate
Only because you walk it,
Balancing atop your sanity,
You stand in court
And declare that that which
Was once love,
Delicious, beautiful, poetic, sunset,
Sea and music in water paint
Is now desecrated, painted
In shades of black,
More hues than you ever
Imagined, palette knifed on
Your naive canvass,
Bleeding at its seams.
And you stand on that beam
And pretend that you are brave
While inside
Your self cries out in pain
And once it is over,
A paper as proof
That you towed the line
You look at yourself,
At what remains
And you realise
You have become
Brave.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

You loved

The loneliest things I have had to do so far were get divorced and put down my dog. Nothing compared to the emptiness in these moments. The funerals of some dearly loved people were not so lonely, heartbreaking, yes, but there were many people there, united in our grief. And that made it more bearable for me. Your life meant something and our presence affirms it.

I held his paw while life left him. The dog who had seen my life fall apart, been a casualty of it and watch me piece it back over time. And he always loved me and looked at me with such admiration, like I was getting it right (finally). And even though I knew it was coming, my heart broke and I sobbed like a teenager who was dumped for the first time.

I nervously cupped one hand over the other on that day. I thought if I held myself I would not be overcome with how meaningless it seemed. How twelve years of your life comes down to this, this meaningless banter and nodding of heads. The loneliness bounced off the walls, echoed in my heart.

And I have learnt that these moments are meant to be lonely, be yours and the beautiful thing about life is that it fills you up again, it always reveals there is more, more life, more love and second chances. And the end does not mean it meant nothing, you carry a treasure trove of memories into your future. You loved, you learnt.

And there will be more dogs and each will journey with you for a while, you loved, you had a companion.

You loved.

Copyright Hiraeth 2018

Blossom

And one day
You remember every
Seed he planted
Every gift He gave,
And you become
Brave,
Brave enough to write
Without anyone reading,
And spill your
Heartache on a page,
Brave enough to
Be an artist
And paint the sunsets
Of your soul
And the seeds grow,
they blossom
and you become
as beautiful
as He intended.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017C3FFDA65-F777-442C-8529-C46D4291F694.jpeg

Invisible

How sad that one
Of your last conversations
Was one about feeling
Invisible
After 40,
Heartbreaking.
I wish someone, anyone
Could have told you,
Reminded you,
You belong:
You are beautiful,
As a mother,
As a sister,
As a daughter,
As a friend,
You were never invisible,
Even though
He made you believe
You
were.

And maybe that is
One of the most important
(and lifesaving)
kindnesses
We can show each other
Just a simple reminder:
I see you,
I value you.

Copyright Hiraith 2017

With time

With time
You see it for what it was,
For what you fell,
Crazy love
The type that endangers
Your life at 180km/h
On the freeway,
The type that breaks in to
Your house,
The type that steals
Your money,
The type that shouts
So loud and obscene
That your sensitive self
Crumbles;
And you allow it
Because any drama,
Any love,
Even this
Is something,
Fills some void.
And with time
You forgive
Your naive self,
Your weak self
And embrace
Your broken self
And
You
Hold
Her.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017