Walk On

And one day
You lay the drama down
Like a coat that for a while
Was comfort,
Was love,
But now fits awkwardly,
Chokingly,
Revealing all your
Imperfections,
Every curve and contour.
And you take it off
Because your role is done
And although the rest still
Play their roles
(ever less convincingly)
You no longer can.
And without blame,
(Because stupidity
always requires two)
You stand naked
In your shame,
In your self
And with bravery
As your only companion
(but the one who breathed life
into you holding your hand)
You
walk
on.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

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This time

This time
I will get it right
(Because last time
I failed)
I will see and live in this
As sacred,
(Because last time
The sacred got lost
In the mundane)
I will honour our history
And every trial and tribulation;
(Because last time
New spoke in an
Enchanting voice)
I will accept that there are
Many seasons
And weather them hand in hand
Even the lonely ones,
Even the days where I feel
Disconnected
(Because last time
I let go of his hand
And let winter stay)
I will not let you go
Or down
(Because last time
I lost everything)
And now
You are
Everything.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

All the moments

I will love you
In all the moments,
Even those
Inbetween, the ones
Where my own fears
Reside and shame
Stands accusing,
You have been
Here before
And drenched in
Fight or flight mode
My inner child screams
Leave;
Now,
Burn before
You get burnt;
Even in those,
I will nurture my
Resolve:
and love you
In all these moments,
Because you gave
My inner child
A home.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

All of it

I take on too much
And it is a lesson
I fail to learn.
How hard can it be
To just say “no?”
As hard as realising
That there is only this,
This life,
These moments that I
Want to fill to capacity
With creativity,
With goals to push
The boundaries of my
Insecure inner self,
With dreams that float
In and out of my consciousness.
I want to be all of it:
Mother, lover, dreamer, achiever
All of it
And more.
Because once you
Have tasted the fragility
Of life,
You offer
Your all.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

Empathy

I have been thinking
About empathy
And how things would be
If we could see
Humanity in each other.
The human staring back
At me,
Stripped of all pretensions.
How in some way
Everyone is doing their best
Coping with the unexpected,
The traumatic, the endless
Throws of life
And if we met there
You would not need a thick skin
To deal with my lack of
Emotional grace
And I would not see your pain
As weakness,
We would know
That each has his pain,
His cross,
And that those who are strong
Know we are united
In our brokenness

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

My zoo

I have consciously created a zoo for myself. Between three fish (one a Beta fish who ate her male – I find it difficult to like her; granted I understand the emotion, but chewing him fin by fin?), three dogs and two kids, I feel completely content. Despite all the responsibility draped around my neck and the thought that we might never see another holiday (who will stand in as zoo keeper?), I am peaceful, content. When life feels overwhelming and I succumb to anxiety, I see my goldfish swimming in peaceful harmony. When I forget to be present, my pack of dogs (I recently acquired a third one) bark for their daily play and bring me back to now. And late at night when my head hurts with all I still need to do, two sets of little arms reach around my neck and tell me I am loved. So if you are wondering why I am not writing…
I am really happy in my zoo.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Less

2016
was a really shit year.
There, I said it
Despite all my goals,
Excitement,
Childlike anticipation;
It very quickly became a
Mad rush,
An epic rat race.
And life happened
Inbetween;
Life reminding that
None of this is
Forever;
That the rollercoaster
Has an end.
And the very thought
Made me run even faster
Chasing,
Chasing the wind.
I have spent a lot of time
Thinking about 2017
And my motto is
Less,
Less of everything
Less activity,
Less investment into people
Who don’t appreciate it.
Just less.
And I know that
In the less,
There will be more.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016