I have seen the bottom
Of my soul,
The darkness etched within,
I have explored it, indulged it, tempted it and called it out:
And own it.
By acknowledging it
I dragged it
(Screaming)
To
The light
And what I realised is
That even one flicker
Ember flame
Is enough to reignite a
Weary wanderer soul.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
Slowly you will rise and see
That what you wanted, who you are
Is not what you aspired to be.
And you start again,
You start anew.
Slowly you will rise and see
That what you loved, who they are
Is not what you dreamed them to be.
And you start again,
You start anew.
Slowly you will rise and see
That what you knew, who you were
Is tangled forever in what you’ll be
(And you start again – always
You start again,
Because dreams like butterflies
Always fly free)
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
I’ll only be yours for a while
And just when you think
You have me, own me
I’ll recoil and make you wonder
If you ever did.
I’ll only be yours for a while
And just when you think
You know me, understand me,
I’ll surprise you and make you wonder
If you ever did.
Sad as it may be,
This is love for me
(And all the while
Fear makes you blind to see:
I am yours into eternity).
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
“Let’s just stay here, frozen in time. We will be each other’s comfort, the old pair of slippers that perfectly mould to your feet, the duvet you have since adolescence, stained by the memories of raging hormones. The sound of Bruce Springsteen mixed with the aroma of caffeine early in the morning.
I can’t stand change, I see no need for it. This is who I am, who I have always been. You have no right to change now, to want more. This is what we are, this is what we have made.
So,
Let’s just stay here. Shut the world out and maybe if we pretend long enough, I will believe you want to stay and you will believe that there is fuck
all
out
there.
Please,
Just
Stay.”
Copyright HiraethPhoenix 2014
Every now and then two stars
Collide, crash into each other.
It’s unexpected, and intense,
Unseen forces that unite
For just an instant.
Always the crash reveals
Aspects of yourself you never knew.
Sometimes it results in one atomic mass, other times new halves separate.
I don’t think it matters which it is,
(as hard as it may be)
If you hold your hand out to the moon
And it shuns you,
At least you fall amongst the stars.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
“We have coffee at his flat and with the aroma of caffeine, sea and cigarette smoke, I tell him my story, no embellishment, no minimizing, just how it was. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t lose eye contact, just listens. And after I finish reciting an entire list of why he shouldn’t date me, including that I won’t fit in with his friends, I am emotionally broken and very, very complicated with many compulsive habits (I check my Ghd is off four times before leaving for work), he turns to me and says “do you hear the waves?” and suddenly, I do.”
Copyright HiraethPhoenix 2014
You are always there
Weaved in the words,
Nailed to my heart.
Our love may have ended,
Our journey done,
But
You are always there
Caught in moments, memories,
Magic from a time scattered
Through punctuation marks,
Delving in paragraphs.
You are always there
In my dreams late at night,
When stars dance and the moon
Frowns, your smile etched forever
In the skylit planets of
My soul.
I wish I could tell,
I wish you would know,
That despite time passed:
Immortal here, in my words
You are always there.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
I will hold your
Heart, keep track of the pieces,
One by one,
I will not let you lose track of even
One part,
I will be here,
Until this is done.
I will hold your
Beauty, keep sight of it,
Moment by moment
I will not let you lose sight of your
Self,
Until this is done
(And your heart,
shattered, tattered, torn,
has never been more beautiful
in its fragility)
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
“I tried, I honestly tried to bring my heart back to us, to focus it.
And the more I tried, the harder it fought back.
I walked around a conflicted self, destabilised by opposing forces, each demanding to be heard.
You have no concept of being torn in two until your heart and mind are at odds.
The mind, logic it’s reason, “you do not leave that to which you are committed,” “marriage is a sacred contract” and the heart, love it’s song of choice, “follow love, follow the path it ignites”, backed up by numerous Paulo Coelho quotes (I always imagined this path illuminated by cellulite-ridden cupids, pointing where to go and Roxette’s “Listen to your heart” the soundtrack).
My only comfort at the time was sleeping and jogging and I did both with the same intensity. The endorphins made me feel something different to the raging storms inside and in sleep, I flew above all the noise, starting with my mind (stay there, stay there, please stay there) and always ending soaring with my heart.
Then there was the outside noise. Parents, friends, therapists, pastors, each advising what they thought best. Most days I just wanted to run away, from everyone, mostly myself.
You should know that in every battle of logic, you always won. And when the final bell rang and I chose the heart, know that for many, many years before that, this heart would have shed blood for you.”
Copyright HiraethPhoenix 2014
There is a river of emotion,
Emotion flowing,
Sometimes turbulent,
Sometimes gently ebbing back
and forth.
There is intensity;
Intensity I turn into words,
Words Flowing,
Sometimes angry,
Sometimes gently swaying back
And forth,
Line by line,
Caressing the edges of the
Moments I recorded:
Second for second;
Tear for tear;
Word for word;
Edged into my soul.
And where it all collides,
That is where you will
find
me.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
hiraethphoenix 