The Cross

When I visited Austria a few years ago I bought a cross at one of the most beautiful gothic churches I visited (there were many – I was searching). It resonated with my soul, the garish art captured the storms raging inside my heart. I identified with lost souls from generations ago. I spent a few hours there contemplating and praying about my life. It was quite a mess at that stage, I was lost in a story I wanted to rewrite. There was too much drama and pain. I left that church with a sense of complete peace that God had a plan for my life, that if I just kept walking it would unfold as it was meant to be. That cross became more than a souvenir to me. I wore it the day I stood in the court for the end of my marriage, the day I had to testify for a restraining order against a bad decision and the day I said goodbye to the closest I had to a sister in this life. I wore it whenever life tilted towards the overwhelming and on any of the numerous anniversaries of loss. Earlier this year I wore it on the tenth anniversary of my wedding day and when I wanted to take it off at night, I realised I was wearing only the chain. The cross was gone. For a few days I was very sad, I even contemplated asking a friend in Austria to post another one. But I realised that there was a lesson in there, particularly for someone who is so sentimental and collects memories in things. (I have love letters from when I was eight, my school books from Grade 1.) The memories are not there, nor the love, nor the strength to continue. It was as if God was saying, lay it down, let it go.

It is done.
And for the first time
It was.

copyright Hiraeth 2016



And one day
You will no longer deny
Your shadow self, always lurking,
Always reaching to the past, the
The what-coulds,
The only-ifs,
The you-should-have-been-more(s).
You will stare it down,
From toe to top
And challenge it,
I know you,
I have overcome,
I know you,
The past is done.

Copyright Hiraeth 2015

Who I am not

His anger flares up
(passion is better
than apathy)
And you convince yourself
Your love can heal him
(purpose is better
than boredom)
Your ignorance unravels
Until you see
Two sides of his passion
Only one is free
(the cost your sanity,
or worse: your life)
And pained you realise your lot:
That who you need to be
For him
You are not.

Copyright Hiraeth 2015
PAD Challenge Day 21:
For today’s prompt, we’re dealing with our third “Two for Tuesday” prompt(s):
Write a “what you are” poem, or…
Write a “what you are not” poem.
For instance, you may be a teacher, a student, brave, scared, a person, an animal, a plant, and well, wherever this one takes you. Or not, of course.


This might hurt a little, tear a little;
But break it all down,
Shatter it to pieces, until it is all lying on the floor,
What once was you.
And then when the anger has dissipated, your self hatred subsided, tears dried and truth laid bare, recorded,
Own it;
Release it;
Burn it to the ground.
(What was born in flames,
Should end in flames).

Copyright Hiraeth 2014