I always smirk when people post quotes about never being unfaithful, about always putting their children first. With the advent of social media, just about everyone is armed with quotations about who they are and who they are not. These are used in public revenge posts, or a less-than-subtle message for all to see. A quote about you not ever being able to live with yourself after breaking your partner’s trust (an advert that your partner betrayed you), a post for the other woman (“single ladies – don’t be confused, he is taken – he is married”), one that emphasises you always put your kids first, that your marriage is built in trust. The truth is, in certain times of your life, you really have no idea what you will choose, despite a rigid moral system, you may falter. Sometimes we lose sight of who we are, our values, our truth. And in those times you will, most likely, err in your choices. A woman or man drenched in depression and despair can be a destructive hurricane. Very few of us take someone else’s word as our own. We are experimental beings. We are human, we make mistakes.

Suddenly you find yourself in a friendship with a member of the opposite sex and realise you are in love. It almost happened in slow motion and you convinced yourself it is nothing more than a connection. And you convince yourself you are entitled because your husband is disinterested, you may as well be the gray worn-out welcome mat at the front door. You post quotes about following your heart and letting go of what no longer works, you drink up Paulo Coelho’s quotes about following your destiny.

Suddenly your break up turns into a vindictive mess, where you are the victim (despite tracking their every move, hiring a private investigator and attempting to steal their financial records) and your children are kept away from the other parent under the guise of protection. And you convince yourself you are entitled because you were wronged. You post quotes about you being a lion in this war.
This self-imposed war.
(And this is war.)
So each of us finds out who we are, by venturing into what we are not.
And the hope is that we can always return to who we are,
without
too
much
collateral
damage.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016