“But I don’t understand how someone who said they love you can resort to this,” I said. At first he looked genuinely surprised by my naivety, twirled his pencil and said,
“If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that for some people the line between love and hate is a very thin one.” And to this day I remember this when I try to understand how people who once claimed to love each other, now stand at war, prepared to do anything, everything to destroy, obliterate the other, even when the other is the mother or father of their children, despite that. You cannot claim to put your children first in a situation like this, no, you are serving your ego, your need for revenge (as if it will finally bring you peace). You may think you are winning.
You stop paying the children’s medical aid, despite the agreement you would and their mother finds out for the first time when a child is admitted to ER. She knows that taking you to court will cost more than her just taking over the medical aid. Stand proud man, you won that round. The crowds applaud.
You trash your ex husband in front of everyone, even the children. You concoct lies about who he is, what he is done. All is fair in love and war you tell yourself. He is a loser, look what he did to us (I am the victim – I tried everything to save this). Your children are torn in two.
Stand proud woman, you are a heroine. The crowds applaud.
But one day those children grow up and they will ask you the very same thing I asked that court clerk. And when you see the trauma in their eyes, you will realise:
you ultimately lost the war.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016