Poetry

Empathy

~ hiraethphoenix

I have been thinking
About empathy
And how things would be
If we could see
Humanity in each other.
The human staring back
At me,
Stripped of all pretensions.
How in some way
Everyone is doing their best
Coping with the unexpected,
The traumatic, the endless
Throws of life
And if we met there
You would not need a thick skin
To deal with my lack of
Emotional grace
And I would not see your pain
As weakness,
We would know
That each has his pain,
His cross,
And that those who are strong
Know we are united
In our brokenness

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

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Stolen words

~ hiraethphoenix

My diary.
Of all the things you took
My money, my trust, my confidence
This is what stung most:
That you felt you had a right,
That you were entitled
To parts never exposed to anyone
(the darkness unforeseen, unexpected, unresolved)
And that was not enough;
Then you stole my poetry
And used it to serenade the next
Soul mate, the next chapter,
The next forever-after-lie;
And the words dried up,
I had no words
No rhyme.
And then one day I watched
The sun set itself to sleep
And the waves caressing the sand
In a waltz with the wind.
And I knew:
That there were more words,
That there was more poetry,
more rhyme,
That would never
be
yours.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

If you knew

~ hiraethphoenix

If you knew how hard it is
Trying to keep a marriage intact
In this day and age
And raise a family,
Despite the overwhelming
Pace of life,
Despite the exhaustive have-to-do,
Have-to-be demands,
You would grant him a chance
To find what you searched for
But still have not found,
You would offer your support,
Ask what role you can play
To add to our family,
Instead of the one you defined
For yourself
Long before there was us.
You would put your selfish ways
Aside and have the wisdom to see:
We are trying our best,
Just
let
us
be.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Water is home

~ hiraethphoenix

The water was his home,
Long before our paths intersected;
A safe place where his soul
Would come alive in
The rhythm, spray, crashing of the waves.
The chaos at home was forgotten,
Buried as soon as his feet touched
The sand and solitude became a
Comfort to that which was,
And could not be.
He would stay there for hours,
Long after the last surfer left
And sunrise beckoned the night
To arrive.
I still see it when I watch him:
He comes alive in the water,
His movements fluid, as if the
Water breaks to meet him,
An old and faithful friend.
His wait for the right wave
A meditation, reflection of beauty.
And I know home for him is our family,
But a part will always be
In the sea.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Words

~ hiraethphoenix

A wedding speech. You toasted the bride and groom. Everyone was left speechless, you spoke with such clarity, intertwining the personalties of the two, humorous anecdotes and a touch of wisdom at the end. While everyone listened intently, with every word something in me gasped for air. One of the guests even came up to me and said that she did not realise that you are a very deep person.
I parallel it with your wedding speech. A long list of thank you’s and a quick I love you at the end. Full stop. Nothing more.
So that night I realised, you always had the words,
You just didn’t have them
For me.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

I belonged

~ hiraethphoenix

I think
You are the closest I have come
To someone who really loved me
For who I am.
Except when it suited you,
You preyed on it,
Used it to manipulate, hurt, abuse.
I am not sure I will ever heal
Completely.
There are times when my soul
Remembers that love,
Hums the melody it used to know,
It yearns for a semblance of it.
It does not remember the
Rollercoaster ride
That is you,
The drama and anger,
Threats on cue.
Instead it recalls a place,
Away from all of it,
The race,
Where for a very short time
I felt like I
Belonged.

Copyright Hiraeth

You are more

~ hiraethphoenix

You are always more
Than your worst mistake,
The moment you lost track
Of your highest self, your ideals,
Dreams and met your wounded self
Mirrored in someone else.
You are always more
Than the thoughts of failure,
Inadequacy playing in your mind
And sometimes reiterated by those
Around you.
You are always more
Than your insecurities, the bubble bum
You don’t have and probably
Never will
You are more,
You are here:
And there is so much more.

copyright Hiraeth 2016

I still see you

~ hiraethphoenix

I still see you
Even though life is moving
At the speed of sound
And we merely cross paths
A few times each day,
I want you to know,
I still see you
Even though our love has
Changed, matured, weathered
And the giddiness is gone
Replaced by responsibility
And day to day life
I want you to know
I still see you
I still recognize what I love,
And day by day
As our journey unfolds,
I
Still
See
You.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

That couple

~ hiraethphoenix

Remember we said
We would never be that couple
Who go off the rails,
Lose each other in the day to day
Rat race we call life.
We would never not put the children
First,
We would protect them from drama, from our poor choices, from the trauma of divorce.
Remember we said if one got lost, the other would remain strong and like a compass, point the way home.
Do you remember?
I have become the mother who puts myself, my needs first and in revenge for your poor choices (completely unrelated to mine), I am intent on wounding you, destroying you, at all costs.
But late at night, when the world is quiet and the moon asleep, I remember we said
We would never be
That
Couple.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Ok

~ hiraethphoenix

What I love most
About you
Is that you make me
Believe it will all be ok,
(With a pack of cigarettes
In your pocket)
As long as we live
Moment to moment
In the present, we will make it,
We will be ok.
I run ahead, make plans,
Concoct scenarios in my head,
What if you, what if I,
What if they…
See our future unfold, sometimes
Crack, end.
You turn me back
And say
Here,
Right now,
This is what matters
And most times
I believe you.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016