All the moments

I will love you
In all the moments,
Even those
Inbetween, the ones
Where my own fears
Reside and shame
Stands accusing,
You have been
Here before
And drenched in
Fight or flight mode
My inner child screams
Leave;
Now,
Burn before
You get burnt;
Even in those,
I will nurture my
Resolve:
and love you
In all these moments,
Because you gave
My inner child
A home.

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

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Empathy

I have been thinking
About empathy
And how things would be
If we could see
Humanity in each other.
The human staring back
At me,
Stripped of all pretensions.
How in some way
Everyone is doing their best
Coping with the unexpected,
The traumatic, the endless
Throws of life
And if we met there
You would not need a thick skin
To deal with my lack of
Emotional grace
And I would not see your pain
As weakness,
We would know
That each has his pain,
His cross,
And that those who are strong
Know we are united
In our brokenness

Copyright Hiraeth 2017

Stolen words

My diary.
Of all the things you took
My money, my trust, my confidence
This is what stung most:
That you felt you had a right,
That you were entitled
To parts never exposed to anyone
(the darkness unforeseen, unexpected, unresolved)
And that was not enough;
Then you stole my poetry
And used it to serenade the next
Soul mate, the next chapter,
The next forever-after-lie;
And the words dried up,
I had no words
No rhyme.
And then one day I watched
The sun set itself to sleep
And the waves caressing the sand
In a waltz with the wind.
And I knew:
That there were more words,
That there was more poetry,
more rhyme,
That would never
be
yours.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

If you knew

If you knew how hard it is
Trying to keep a marriage intact
In this day and age
And raise a family,
Despite the overwhelming
Pace of life,
Despite the exhaustive have-to-do,
Have-to-be demands,
You would grant him a chance
To find what you searched for
But still have not found,
You would offer your support,
Ask what role you can play
To add to our family,
Instead of the one you defined
For yourself
Long before there was us.
You would put your selfish ways
Aside and have the wisdom to see:
We are trying our best,
Just
let
us
be.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Water is home

The water was his home,
Long before our paths intersected;
A safe place where his soul
Would come alive in
The rhythm, spray, crashing of the waves.
The chaos at home was forgotten,
Buried as soon as his feet touched
The sand and solitude became a
Comfort to that which was,
And could not be.
He would stay there for hours,
Long after the last surfer left
And sunrise beckoned the night
To arrive.
I still see it when I watch him:
He comes alive in the water,
His movements fluid, as if the
Water breaks to meet him,
An old and faithful friend.
His wait for the right wave
A meditation, reflection of beauty.
And I know home for him is our family,
But a part will always be
In the sea.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

Words

A wedding speech. You toasted the bride and groom. Everyone was left speechless, you spoke with such clarity, intertwining the personalties of the two, humorous anecdotes and a touch of wisdom at the end. While everyone listened intently, with every word something in me gasped for air. One of the guests even came up to me and said that she did not realise that you are a very deep person.
I parallel it with your wedding speech. A long list of thank you’s and a quick I love you at the end. Full stop. Nothing more.
So that night I realised, you always had the words,
You just didn’t have them
For me.

Copyright Hiraeth 2016

I belonged

I think
You are the closest I have come
To someone who really loved me
For who I am.
Except when it suited you,
You preyed on it,
Used it to manipulate, hurt, abuse.
I am not sure I will ever heal
Completely.
There are times when my soul
Remembers that love,
Hums the melody it used to know,
It yearns for a semblance of it.
It does not remember the
Rollercoaster ride
That is you,
The drama and anger,
Threats on cue.
Instead it recalls a place,
Away from all of it,
The race,
Where for a very short time
I felt like I
Belonged.

Copyright Hiraeth