I will hold your
Heart, keep track of the pieces,
One by one,
I will not let you lose track of even
One part,
I will be here,
Until this is done.
I will hold your
Beauty, keep sight of it,
Moment by moment
I will not let you lose sight of your
Self,
Until this is done
(And your heart,
shattered, tattered, torn,
has never been more beautiful
in its fragility)
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
There is a river of emotion,
Emotion flowing,
Sometimes turbulent,
Sometimes gently ebbing back
and forth.
There is intensity;
Intensity I turn into words,
Words Flowing,
Sometimes angry,
Sometimes gently swaying back
And forth,
Line by line,
Caressing the edges of the
Moments I recorded:
Second for second;
Tear for tear;
Word for word;
Edged into my soul.
And where it all collides,
That is where you will
find
me.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
This might hurt a little, tear a little;
But break it all down,
Shatter it to pieces, until it is all lying on the floor,
What once was you.
And then when the anger has dissipated, your self hatred subsided, tears dried and truth laid bare, recorded,
Own it;
Release it;
Just
Burn it to the ground.
(What was born in flames,
Should end in flames).
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
And one day, far from now, but sooner than you think, you realise no one is responsible for you, no one can meet your every need. The man you married says he can’t change, won’t change and suddenly you stop caring whether or not he does. Prince Charming who saved you from drowning in the mundane, who lyrically wrote you love letters turns out to be an unemployed fake and your favourite artist who writes the words your soul would liquify for, has been married three times in three years. And at first you are sad, overwhelmed that what you thought existed, does not, but relieved to finally hold the truth.
So you begin to roam the corridors of your soul and find romance in life, in the simple things. You plant frangupani’s , wear red on Wednesdays and paint your nails blue, you get a tattoo of a Phoenix on your wrist (because you will rise, rise now, rise) and kiss the tattoo artist on the lips: not because you want anything in return, but because he engraved on your wrist, but also on your heart.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
When the truth becomes
a burden to carry and you have no words, I’ll carry it for you.
I’ll write it, poetically or simply as you please, I’ll cover it in metaphor or doll it up with rhyme.
When your own judgement and regret keep you stuck,
Stationery for too long,
I’ll whisper it in punctuation, reveal it in indentation, I’ll carry it to you.
I’ll stand and shout in punctuation marks, until you see and I believe, that the heart has it’s own agenda, and always,
it flies free.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
And before we end this,
Before we each walk in our own direction,
Before we tread with fear into the future
(And there is one for each of us,
Bright as we may choose)
I want you to know,
I want you to know what I should have said, what was in my heart covered in anger, fear and neglect,
What was there, but you refused to see,
(And I carry this cross of blame alone)
All I ever wanted,
Needed,
Desired,
Ached for,
Was no one else:
But you.
But you,
You refused to see,
Notice;
Until one day
Somebody did.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
And this is what we tell
Ourselves to disguise the truth,
Make it more palatable, easier to digest, explain:
We grew apart, we consciously uncoupled, she had an affair, we fell out of love, he stole my wife, she has no moral code.
We tell it until it sounds believable, we practice the tone to make it sound truthful.
We tell everyone willing to listen, we feel we need to explain, to justify this unexpected end
(No one saw it coming –
It is a complete surprise)
We declare it off the rooftops.
And it is all lies.
Lies.
The truth is simpler, involving only us:
We drowned in our neglect.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
You taught me what love is
And what it’s not
At the same time,
You opened my eyes, my heart
To the possibility that there is more
To love than just being, just existing.
You taught me what love is
And what it’s not
At the same time,
You opened my eyes, my heart
To psyches torn in two, apart, battles
Of the mind.
(And now I see them, they are exposed)
You taught me what love is
And what it’s not
So I chose for us, the end of what
It could not be:
And began the journey
To what it is.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
We’re too tired to talk, to make sense of this gaping hole.
So I’ll work and you will play Max Payne. And the hole grows larger and my heart heavier.
But we’re too tired to talk, to make an effort to fill the hole,or analyse it’s origin.
(Here it is, the origin: I nag for you to change, you, stubborn, refuse, I nag more, you refuse more…)
So I’ll work and you can watch TV. And the hole becomes so big it swallows twelve years.
And one day, I’m too tired to stay and you, you’re too tired to ask me to.
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
Because you said you
Would
Always look at me with
Sunset eyes and
Summer lust
Of new love found
And I believed you
In fairytale trust and
Dreamlike truth
Because I needed you
To be that one
At that time
(And she sees
The same stubborn
Etched different patterns
On your face –
The same stubborn)
Because you said you would
And now say you can’t
Won’t
And you, not first,
This place familiar
(And she cries,
The same tears
Streaked different patterns
On her soul –
The same tears)
And it is
All the same
Copyright Hiraeth 2014
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